In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
