He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
