I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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