I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
