i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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