I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
