So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
