Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so let's talk penis.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
