I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
