sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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