I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
