apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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