Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
