Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
