I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
