Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Vodka?
Forever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
