i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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