Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
