At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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