so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
