He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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