maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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