You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
