If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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