I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize