i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
