Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
