My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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