Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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