How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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