am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
