clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
