Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
