Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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