Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
this hospital has no fireball
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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