$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
