it hurts more in the daytime
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As shirtless as possible
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
