I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
