I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
