Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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