I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
