He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
