I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
