If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
