Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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