i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
