i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
