the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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