You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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