I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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