Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
