How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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