Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
