why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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