At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
