i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
