Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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