That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
