note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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