Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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