they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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