last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i think my cat just said my name.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
