I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
