I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hippo gnu deer
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
