you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am available for nakedness
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize